Advice to Live By

I was at our Discussion Group's (blog post) holiday meeting, our topic, taken from a son's boarding school application for a PG year:  What is the most important piece of advice you have ever received and what role does it play in your life?

Needless to say, the answers from each of the women sparked all kinds of thoughts and discussion. The common thread? How we implemented that advice in our lives and in most cases, our parenting Gen Y.

Pieces of advice:

Lose the battle and win the war. (Given by my father right before I got married.) It's turned out to be very good advice in just about every aspect of life.

When you accept an invitation, any invitation, be prepared to give as much or more than you receive at the "event." (Given by a friend of her parents, when she was a teenager and hurumphing about "having to go to a family friend's house for a holiday party.") Two things: was "heard" because it was given by a NON-parent, but someone she respected and she can't think of any place she's attended as a guest when she hasn't thought of that advice prior to arrival.

Since the probability of you meeting someone to marry at college is high, we will only allow you to apply within the Northeast. (Unspoken: the parents (advice givers) lived in CT.) How she followed the advice? Did the exact opposite with each of their four children! "The world is your oyster, apply wherever you want and we support you!" As a result her children are married and live in OR, CA, CO and ME! 

 When you move to a new place, in the first year, accept every invitation. Tough to do, because you have to be "on" all the time, but if you do, you will reap the rewards in the years following. You never know who you might meet regardless of what you may think of the host/hostess. Could be friends for a lifetime!

~Beppie

Name change?

Changing your name? Getting a new social security card, because yours was stolen? Regardless of your reason, this may involve a trip to the Social Security Administration office. Our newly graduated-from-college son, had to get a new social security card (his was stolen in our burglary) before he started his job. It was on the list of things to bring to HR his first day. That's right, a J-O-B! He actually got one, with benefits! I KNOW!  Our newly wedded daughter made the decision to change her name, so the first "legal" thing one must do before she can make all the necessary changes (ie., Driver's license, credit cards,....Facebook, Twitter....Heres a link to a full list that's printable: Your married name change checklist) is get a new Social Security Card. Well, going to the SSA is not much different from going to the DMV. Lousy. So doing a little preplanning and filling out the downloaded forms beforehand, is helpful. The lines on the other hand, not much you can do. So look into mailing everything in. But that means parting with your passport for a bit. And of course you can't change your passport name without a new social security card....etc.,etc.

Since this is such a pain in the rear end, I found that both my Gen Yers resorted to bitching by text. I think only to Mom, but maybe not?! I suggested that their dissatisfaction with "only two people working at a line up of windows with 50 people in the waiting room, each holding a number and no numbers being called, and the clock is ticking 45 minutes AND counting... waiting, lunch hour is just about up. I've GOT to leave. I CAN'T believe this!" If a tweet out #SSA from a disgruntled taxpayer happened, do you suppose there'd be a response? Do they even have a twitter account (@SSA)? hmmmmm.... I wonder?

Just checked, doesn't look like it, but whoa! A LOT of disgruntled folks (#social security administration) waiting in lines. There must be a more efficient way!?

In tonight's news, a disgruntled Gen Yer, Molly Katchpole started a petition against the fees that the B of A was imposing on debit cards, and guess what? Social media seems to have made an impact! 150,000+ signatures, ABC News' attention.

~Beppie

The Loss Of Land Lines and Random Contact

Most of you reading our blog probably remember making phone calls and not knowing who would answer. With cell phones that randomness has disappeared and with it unplanned but often pleasant points of contact.

 I began thinking about this when a friend mentioned that she misses land lines as a way to connect with her grown children's spouses. With cell phones when she calls her daughter her son in law never answers and so she losses the opportunity to have a casual conversation with him. She could of course just call him but one feels there needs to be reason to make that call. 

Gone also is having one's school age children receive calls at home from their friends. I enjoyed speaking briefly with my kids' friends and it was another way to keep track of who was in their lives. Also gone is the need for courage on the kid's part to make that call and risk reaching a parent and not their friend. 

Cell phones are a reality so I think I need to find new ways to interact with my kids' significant others. I'd love to hear how others find a way to say, "Hi, how are you?"

~Jean 

Planning a wedding, some tips!

Our daughters are married! Both weddings were wonderful! Magical weekends!

Learnings?

Lots.

Advice worth sharing:

First and foremost, this is THEIR wedding not yours.

Download these templates from Google Docs: Wedding planner

These proved to be invaluable. If nothing more, they give you things to think about and then address. You can make them your own very simply and they can be shared with whomever you want and you can see any additions or subtractions, any changes. The budget template and the guest list template are "must-dos"! Best of all, it's all saved on Google's cloud, so they can be accessed from anywhere securely!

The best wedding book (in our opinion) to use is: The Wedding Book, by Mindy Weiss and Lisbeth Levine and the go-to wedding etiquette book is : Wedding Etiquette by Emily Post. Purchase a copy for both you and your bride. We found it was a great dissipator if questions arose or there was tension about something. There's always something to be said for a "neutral corner."

Have a frank discussion early on about the budget. As a friend, Jessie shared when our daughter got engaged, "when you know the total you can spend on the wedding, place it on the Excel spreadsheet budget template and as you add items (ie., gown, band, photographer, venue, flowers, transportation, etc.) with the possible cost, you watch that total "automatically" dwindle. Suddenly, prioritizing takes on a whole new meaning." "Picture a pie, slice it up with various size slices, each accounting for the whole." Good advice. For my daughter and her husband, the priority was the music and the Tony Boffa band. The next priority was the photographer, emilie. The other important piece was a "day of coordinator." My daughter said to me, "Mom, I want you to enjoy the weekend, so please hire someone to help you during that time."  So glad she did. Heather Quinn Cuzzi was fabulous! After that things fell into place. The other aspect to this discussion about money is who pays for what? If you think this is a slam dunk, au contraire. I've spoken to so many friends who have had children get married over the last several years and there's no one way to pay for the celebration. The biggest take-away I can offer is to have the bride and groom PRIORITIZE. When the research is being done and prices are being gathered, that "oh so important videographer, may not be so important. Not at that price tag." 

Blogs about both our couples: emilie inc. photography and Brian Wedge photography.

It's true, the time flies by! Enjoy and most of all, HAVE FUN! 

~Beppie

Mea Culpa! and We've been robbed!

It's been forever since we posted. Life! What can I say? This has been a summer of endings and new beginnings! For some reason it seems to have escalated in numbers, much more so than in my past. I think the only explanation is my age! ugh! There's been the passing of family and friends that marks a place in our heart like no other and their have been births, thank God, which add such joy to everyone they touch and then there are marriages! (More on that subject later.)

We've also had a graduation from college...I know my last post was on milestones, I know, I know I seem to be fixated. We also had a burglary! Awful!

So here's the post, protect yourself. I've learned more about this than I wish I knew. Thank God no one was hurt and in the end all is OK, but nevertheless, you feel so violated. Yuck! Here are my take aways:

Take your digital camera or iPhone and walk around your home videoing or taking pictures of everything! That means opening drawers and closets, flipping over your laptop to get a picture of your serial number...this doesn't take much time or effort to do! And then, this is the clincher, email yourself a copy or upload to a remote site like shutterfly!!! (Or put it all on CD or take the memory card out of your camera and store in a safe deposit box.) You'll have it saved remotely! This works in the event of fire too. Take photos of your passports. Homeland security says that gone are the days of Xerox copies of passports, digital is the way to go. Again, email it to yourself!

If you don't back up your computer remotely, I can't encourage you enough! Never think it's going to happen to you? Well, it's lousy when your computer crashes, but it's REALLY lousy when someone steals your computer! Password protect your computer! You think it's a hassle or a nuisance? Get over it! If it's backed up, you've got all of those much loved photos and music from days gone by!

Be sure your home is secure. Pretty common sense, but again, don't get lax. 

Report your theft to the police! I can't emphasize this enough either. They were terrific and incredibly helpful! Call your insurance company and report it, call Equifax and protect your identity! Equifax notifies the other credit agencies. Cancel all credit cards, change passwords.

Now pick up your digital camera or iPhone and start taking pictures!

~Beppie