Asking for the Parents' Blessing

Our apologies! We've been wedding planning. Actually, we've been our daughters' Admins. and THEY've been wedding planning! It's been busy! But, we're back.

Let's start pre-engagement:  Both of our daughters' fiances are traditional guys. Some would say well brought up guys! Both of them came to ask for our blessings! Really!

I'll share our story. I got a g-chat message asking if we'd be home over the weekend. This was back in the beginning of December. The moment that question came in "I knew." "We can be," I wrote. "May I come by and see you and Bob around 4:00 on Saturday?" "Sure."

Instantly I called Bob.

So the question was, how long was he going to stay? Do I make dinner? But it's only 4. How do I make him feel more comfortable? Afterall, this was the first time it was just the three of us. Will he just ask and then bolt? How was this going to go? I'd think about it, smile, think about the fact that he was coming up from the city and every time I spoke to our daughter "I'd know" but she had NO idea.

Bob on the other hand, got out his yellow pad and started jotting down thoughts, questions, discussion topics. Ruminating...

Poor guy. This was going to be quite a visit.

Well, he came over at 4pm sharp (he's incredibly punctual) and we had 'small talk' for a bit. I was making Margaritas (I figured I had to do something to take the edge off). I had dinner fixings ready in the wings, just in case he wanted to stay...Well, he got right to the point, "I've been in love with your daughter since the eighth grade (yes, they were high school sweethearts, broke up during college, spread their wings for awhile and a few years after college, reconnected) and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I'd like your blessing." This was said with such confidence and self assuredness that I was madly grabbing for the tissues. Bob stood up, instantly our soon to be son inlaw stood up, they shook hands and Bob said, "this is great news, but excuse me for a minute, I've got some things I'd like to discuss with you." And he disappeared into the study, grabbed the yellow pad and for the next hour, hour and a half, there were questions, such as: "what are your goals and aspirations?" "Tell us about your job and your goals in the workplace?" "Family is incredibly important to our daughter, she drops most everything for her brothers, how do you feel about that?" (This answer I remember exactly,) "I wouldn't have it any other way." They discussed values.  Family. Should they have children what are his expectations about our daughter working full time, part time or staying at home. Bob shared several personal stories of his own, there was laughter, serious discussion, tears (sorry, I'm a total sap). The two of them did most of the talking. For those of you that know me, shocking I know, but true. Here's why: by the end of the discussion they both were standing, a handshake turned into a hug, a big "welcome to the family" and Bob told him that the reason for the "yellow pad" was because this was a discussion that my father had had with him 30 years ago and this was a discussion that his father in law had had with him and should they have a daughter someday perhaps he will have a similar discussion with her intended.

You see, I grew up hearing this story from my Dad and he always said that he felt it broke the ice and built a relationship of trust. I knew that when the right guy came along, the yellow pad was going to come out and....it did. Well, Bob has said for years that he was going to do the same thing because he too felt it achieved exactly what had been intended, a feeling of love and being a part of a family, but more importantly, being able to pick up the phone and discuss anything, regardless of the significance/severity with his father in law. He wants the same with our soon to be son in law.

The true test, I overheard our soon to be SIL say to his good buddy when asked, "Did you ask Bob for his permission?""What did he say to you? What did you talk about" "Whoa!" Our soon to be SIL said "I sure did and I highly recommend it!"

Love that!

btw, he stayed for dinner...he stayed until 11:00. It was a good evening. Actually, it was wonderful!

~Beppie

HPV vaccine for Males too!

Have you noticed the handful of ads that Gardasil has had, advocating that our boys/young men (ages 9-26) get vaccinated for HPV (human papillomavirus)? Well, I have. Dr. Nancy Snyderman from the Today Show spoke about the importance for our tween girls / our Gen Y girls (9-26 year old girls) having the HPV vaccine and she also spoke about how our boys should be vaccinated as well. The FDA approved the HPV vaccine for boys/young men in October of 2009.

Why do I bring this up? Because this is important! Dartmouth College did a study about the correlation of how Mom's influence played a direct role in whether or not young women/girls had the HPV vaccine. Well ladies, you need to influence your boys/young men too!

Since my children are millennials, Gen Y, 20-somethings, young adults, this post is targeted to parents of this age group. BUT if you're reading this and you have younger kids 9-12, read on! The ideal is vaccination young, before any sexual activity....I know, that's a whole other conversation and I'm not going there. 

My son came home from college briefly at the beginning of the summer and he ran around going to his various appointments: dentist, doctor, hair.... I spoke to him prior to his doctor's appointment and asked that he bring up with his Internist the HPV vaccine. We had a great conversation, very open, discussed our family's values (which we've done all along the way) and he agreed that he'd ask and pursue the vaccine. He made some very thoughtful comments about getting the vaccine and how important he thought it was and preventative it could be. To him (age 20) it seemed the right thing to do. Well, he called from the doctor's office and said that his internist was happy to provide it, but honestly this was his first male patient to request it?!? Yikes! And he'd better check to be sure insurance would cover it. Double yikes! I told him I'd check, but frankly with or without insurance, we'd cover it, he said "Mom, I will." he said when he got home, that the nurses gave him a standing ovation for doing this! Imagine!

Well, that was a month ago and guess what, insurance isn't covering it....yet. I'm working on it! In the meantime, one vaccine down, two to go. This is a series of three shots. The timing is important so as you discuss this with your boys (or girls) know that they need to be around their doctor at various intervals. (According to the Gardasil website, the vaccine does not have to be administered all three times from the same doctor, just let them know what round you're on.)

There has been controversy in the news about the vaccine: youth and sex, sexual activity, side effects, all of which are things to think about, but in our household, it's clear, this is the right thing to do for all of our kids and mine are 20-26, male and female. And this vaccine was FDA approved when my eldest was older. (This vaccine was FDA approved for girls in June 2006, boys, October 2009....interesting, eh?).

Come on Moms, talk to your Gen Yers, influence your boys (/girls), this is an anti-cancer vaccine, get the information and do what's best for your family!

~Beppie

Update on Tuesday, May 31, 2011 at 3:02PM by Moms of Gen Y

An update on HPV: There is a rise of throat cancer in males and it is linked to HPV. It states that we are on the edge of a pandemic. In the WSJ blog following this morning's article, it is recommended that young males should indeed get vaccinated with three doses within 6 months with Gardasil. Since I posted about this originally, it was suggested, but now it is being recommended. Do your Gen Y kids a favor, tell them to get vaccinated! They should sign up for the reminder for their second and third doses, people get busy, all three doses are essential for their protection!

Another update: October 25, 2011

The CDC now officially recommends the HPV vaccine for boys! MSNBC reports.

~Beppie