Saying Thank You

Summertime and our kids are coming and going, often with friends along to enjoy our summer home, beaches, boats and sunshine. We love having everyone here, especially the long conversations around the table, some serious, others very silly. We talk about the world, the World Cup, politics, jobs, who knows how to row a boat and who doesn't, college, graduate school, and who is going to clean the kitchen. 

All of these GenYers are full of life, ideas and energy. Sometimes a quieter conversation with one or two people will focus on job aspirations, suggestions of people to connect with and requests to please put them in touch with so and so. When we do make a contact and send an introduction on someone's behalf we, like other Baby Boomers have expectations. Like wise when we welcome people into our home for a dinner or a weekend there are expectations. Following through on introductions and sending thank you's for hospitality are expected. 

In fairness to the GenYers there may sometimes be confusion or awkwardness about how to thank someone who is older and perhaps your friend's parent. Saying thank you will never be the wrong choice, saying nothing is far riskier. 

Consider sending this along to your son or daughter, it is a simple sentiment from a recent ad for Tiffany & Co.

"A Good Guest

Arrives slightly late. And leaves on time.

A good guest brings energy and charm and a small present.

All good guests write thank you notes."

Remind them of the thank you notes you had them write to their grandparents for their birthday gifts. Whether with email or paper those rules still apply. Someone does something nice for you, let them know you appreciate it.

~Jean 

Graduation Gifts: Top Ten Ideas

Your Gen Yer is graduating from high school, college or grad school... some good ideas: (In no particular order)

1)  $$ good cold CASH! (Not gift cards)  Kids put it in the bank. Suggest a money market account or a CD. It's amazing how it can add up and then they can cover concerts, weekend excursions, skiing, spring breaks, movies...whatever!

2)  iTunes gift cards: legal music, iBooks, etc.

3)  College bookstore giftcard. A nice thought, it takes a little more time to go to the website and jump through the hoops getting the giftcard: the grad can use it for books, sweatshirts, stuff they actually want or need.

4)  Fleece throws, have them monogrammed for that personal touch, or buy them in the school's color.

5)  Timbuktu bag 

6)  Roller suitcase, flight attendant size so it doesn't have to be checked.

7)  Portable disc drive, so they can back up there computers (novel idea, I know) (fyi: be sure the disc drive you buy is correct: PC or Mac) or for a less expensive option, pen drives so they can easily transport/back up photos, papers.

8)  Digital camera (Canon powershot or Nikon Coolpix, both good options).

9)  Harry and David's fruit of the month club 

10)  Starbuck's gift card (who doesn't enjoy a little indulgence?) 

~Beppie

Celebrating a Birthday Away from Home

We've all been there, away from home, having a birthday, but as a parent of four grown kids who all are away from home celebrating birthdays, it's proving to be more of a challenge than it used to be!
"Check your PO Box!"
Why is it that college kids don't check their PO Boxes?
"Why should I? I never get any mail."
Kids who've graduated, figure out very quickly that they better check the mail because good stuff, like bills are sent that way. I know, not for long, or not if they check that box to have it sent electronically, but for the most part, at least for now, snail mail.

Not only is not checking the PO Box a challenge, but then there's the big question of what do you send? Is it better / easier just to send money or transfer money or tell them to buy themselves something and you'll pay them back... That's assuming they have the do-re-mi to make the purchase up front, not likely.

Do you send them an electronic birthday card? Is that where you tell them that they'd better check their PO Box or that you've sent something UPS or FedEx to whereever it's supposed to be sent at their college, (ie., their dorm).

Or if they've graduated and living in a city, can you send something UPS or FedEx and not worry. Is there a doorman? Or a place that takes their packages safely? Is it better to send stuff to their work address? All of this is a challenge. What do you do?

Colleges make it a little easier with their "Parents' Clubs" that offer a cake delivery with balloons to the dorm room. Are kids horrified by that, embarrassed or are they secretly thrilled that you remembered and went to the trouble of ordering that?

Do you send a big box filled with stuff? I've got friends that basically unload Hallmark into a box: paper plates, balloons, streamers, party hats... It's a party in a box! As for the cake, it's delivered by a nice "Mom volunteer". The box also contains an article of clothing, maybe a coffee mug from the local store, so they don't forget "home", maybe some fun earrings or makeup or a local team T shirt just so they don't forget their old allegiance!!

It's a dilemma!
You want them to know that you're thinking of them, after all, you were there all those years ago! Whose birthday is it anyway? I mean really! :) You used to make such a production out of their birthdays when they were little: clowns, excursions, inflatable trampolines... all of their nearest and dearest came, OK OUR nearest and dearest...it was a scene! And now? How do you just stop? And then to make things more complicated, what you do for one you sure as heck better do for the other, or at least something comparable, because if you don't think they notice or compare notes, you're sorely mistaken. Right guys?

Maybe you enlist the help of a friend, a significant other? Maybe you just send a check? Do you make a big deal or a bigger deal out of the milestone birthdays? 21? Is 25 a milestone? I think so, I'm not sure why, but I do. If you're hundreds or thousands of miles away do you rely on crossing your fingers and hoping one of their friends comes through and commemorates the day or do you actively engage and ask them to rally on your behalf for your kid? Maybe one of their friends or siblings or significant other has taken care of the celebration on their own with no engagement from the mother, now that's a milestone! Thanks girls!

Why am I even thinking about this? Today is our youngest's birthday. No more teenagers in our family. What did I do to commemorate the day? I used Facebook and texting, I even uploaded a photo to HIS Facebook page (that took a few minutes to figure out how to do), I called and left a message on his phone... and a few days ago I sent a package with a few assorted items, nope no party in a box, but definitely a couple of "heartstring" reminders of where he's from AND I told him to go to his PO Box. (Btw, when he did, there was a package from Valentine's Day that I'd sent....that was weeks ago!!! argh!) And finally, one of those nice "Mom volunteers" will be stopping by his fraternity with a cake today/tonight. I think he's going to be mortified...but secretly pleased that his Mom remembered him. Fingers crossed.

~Beppie

Have you made reservations?

That's right, you! I've learned over the years that if you want to see your kids over the holidays (at a reasonable price), you better be actively involved in the reservation making! So if you haven't made those flight reservations for Thanksgiving, you're really pushing the proverbial envelope. I've just checked some websites and to travel Wed. through Sunday of Thanksgiving, fahgetaboutit.... The prices are going up. And going up a lot. And the availability is the pits, unless you want to travel on turkey day, which is a bummer. So if you want to see them over the holidays, get on the computer!

Negotiating these plans is an interesting process. When they're in college, you know when their breaks are and you assume that the holidays "belong to you:" they'll be coming home or meeting you somewhere. When they're in the working world, they only get two or three weeks vacation per year, and you may make the assumption that they of course want to spend their time off with you, but not necessarily....

Thus the negotiations begin! A couple of the added bennies we parents have is that we offer the "traditions they grew up with," we stroke the nostalgia key. Who knows, there's a real possibility we might pick up the tab for their travels? Why not sweeten the pot? We might even offer a "destination" vacation. But you better communicate with your kids about all of this: dates, times they're available to travel, etc. You don't want to experience their wrath if you made the wrong assumption. Assume nothing. Talk to them.

One thing is clear though, if you haven't made those reservations, you better get on it... they're not, I suppose they just assume that you're going to "take care of this" and may even pay for this. But speaking as a past retailer and not being able to go home for Christmas those first several years out of college, I have real empathy. It's a real bummer not to be with family over the holidays, so if you can help your Gen Yer avoid that, do! Make those reservations! It's a good gift!

~Beppie

Parents' Influence!

I'm going to throw something out there. I've been "noodling."

There's been a lot written about marketing to various generations and how kids influence their parents' purchases. As a parent of Gen Yers, let me tell you, we parents influence our kids' purchases!

I'll back up. Way back before Gap Kids, 1980ish, my husband was a Boys' buyer at Macy's California. He convinced a couple of outerwear vendors to make the famous "members only" jacket in boys sizes 8-20, well, they blew out the door. Those little boys didn't like the "Little Lord Font Leroy" peter panned collared stuff." I'm exaggerating a tad, but not much. They wanted to look cool, so when Mom took'em shopping,they'd beg and plead for 'members only' and... you know the rest. Well, that kind of thinking evolved and developed into many different businesses, by many different people. Those little darlings influenced our purchases. Fast forward: Now that our kids are older and the price tags for things they want has escalated exponentially AND they don't like to part with their own $ do-re-mi $, our kids turn to us for our help and advice on things.

These kids are very knowledgeable and opinionated about electronic purchases, so they tend to take the reins there, but when it comes to buying a bed, or furniture, or housewares, or a suit, or a car... that's where Mom comes in (or Dad). Now I'm not talking about paying for these items, necessarily. I'm talking about the fact that they call us and ask us for our opinions, our suggestions, our recommendations on those big ticket items, where to go, what websites to check, and nine times out of ten they buy what's suggested.

When it came time for my son to get an "interview suit," he didn't head out on his own to make that purchase, WE went. There I was rummaging through the rounder of suits, picking out the wool gabardines, leading him away from the summer khakis, "a wool gabardine will take you through 9 months, a khaki through 3 AND you'll have this suit for years, it's a classic. This is a much better purchase, more bang for the buck," I said. When my daughter was looking for a dining table, same scenario. Both Mom and Dad went recently to the furniture store with our son when he was buying a bed... these are big purchases, they're long term purchases and our kids look to us for guidance, and oh yes, the possibility that we just may pick up the tab. But it's really that they don't want to "go this alone," not when there's serious money involved.

When your Gen Yer graduates from college; no more furnished dorm room, it's time for that apartment and making choices. There's probably a bunch of stuff they can have from the family home, as long as they provide the U-haul and the brawn, but if they don't live close by, that's not necessarily the best option. Some conversations sound like this: "does it make sense to spend X dollars on a brand new rug for the living room that I'll have for years? or Should I go to Target and pick one up that I may only have for a year or two? Should I spend X dollars for a new bed? My back is killing me after a night on a lousy mattress." Our kids are asking for advice on their benefits packages (401ks, insurance, etc.), they're also asking about their "real world" purchases and let's face it, we have influence!

~Beppie