The Great Post College Room Purge

One week since graduation and our daughter is just finishing what I consider one of the great benefits of graduation. Before leaving for whatever adventures the summer holds, a new job, travel, more school we have asked each newly minted grad to deal with their life's accumulation of momentos, trophies, and STUFF!

Finishing college marks a line between life at home and moving into the world. Even if graduation doesn't mean moving out immediately it is still a time of sorting and setting aside. It is also a time to pause, appreciate and laugh at the pieces of their childhoods still lingering in drawers and the backs of closets:

a first pair of soccer cleats, yes they're going out, no we're not bronzing them

tie dyed t-shirts from a middle school sleep over, also going out

the letters you sent to camp, back before email, yes we're keeping those historic documents

And school notes, trophies, softballs and hockey pucks, stuffed animals and countless other treasures. What goes and what stays is often determined by how many boxes you can store. Very few things will be taken to their new apartments but your home will be viewed as a self storage facility with extremely good rates. So be clear on just how much gets boxed up because you will still have those boxes ten years from now.

 The room has been crammed full with the accumulation of 'growing up' and now that they have achieved the status of 'adult' with a diploma to prove it urge your son or daughter to sort through and move forward.

Then you can have the fun of a room to do with as you want.

~Jean

Graduation Day, No Tears

This past Sunday our youngest graduated from college. When our oldest child graduated ten years ago I confess to some tears as well as with subsequent graduations. Walking across the stage to receive a diploma is a moment of intense emotion, pride, anxiety, hopes and regrets for both parents and graduates. However after ten years and four graduations I think I have gained some perspective and Sunday was pure pleasure.

Watching our kids and our neighbors and family and friends it has become clearer that our kids will be fine. The pathways will be as different as the individuals, the variety is spectacular and thrilling: waiting tables, starting companies, graduate school, teaching school, traveling the world, moving home, changing jobs, losing jobs, creating jobs, getting married, having children, caring for grandparents, the list is infinite. The constant is that they are looking and trying and changing and growing and we all benefit from the process.

The Pulitzer Prize winning author Elizabeth Strout spoke at graduation, her message to the graduates was, 'you will be fine', the choices are yours, make them and move ahead. Sunday's New York Times echoed this theme in an article in the magazine, The Why Worry Generation, suggesting that the confidence and optimism of the Generation Y serves them well in these economic times.

Whether it is the times in which they have lived or our parenting Generation Y is moving boldly into our world. I find myself smiling and believing that indeed all will be well.

~Jean

Graduation Gifts: Top Ten Ideas

Your Gen Yer is graduating from high school, college or grad school... some good ideas: (In no particular order)

1)  $$ good cold CASH! (Not gift cards)  Kids put it in the bank. Suggest a money market account or a CD. It's amazing how it can add up and then they can cover concerts, weekend excursions, skiing, spring breaks, movies...whatever!

2)  iTunes gift cards: legal music, iBooks, etc.

3)  College bookstore giftcard. A nice thought, it takes a little more time to go to the website and jump through the hoops getting the giftcard: the grad can use it for books, sweatshirts, stuff they actually want or need.

4)  Fleece throws, have them monogrammed for that personal touch, or buy them in the school's color.

5)  Timbuktu bag 

6)  Roller suitcase, flight attendant size so it doesn't have to be checked.

7)  Portable disc drive, so they can back up there computers (novel idea, I know) (fyi: be sure the disc drive you buy is correct: PC or Mac) or for a less expensive option, pen drives so they can easily transport/back up photos, papers.

8)  Digital camera (Canon powershot or Nikon Coolpix, both good options).

9)  Harry and David's fruit of the month club 

10)  Starbuck's gift card (who doesn't enjoy a little indulgence?) 

~Beppie

Moving out of college, permanently!

Senior year, graduation....moving away from college!

There's a lot talked about and written about when it comes to graduation from college, but not a lot about moving from college permanently. Here's how it seems to go: The same issues are present and arguably more exaggerated as previous years: papers, finals, lots of partying, no sleep and deadlines to be out of your living space. Now add in emotion. Goodbyes are tough and they tend to take time. The colleges have this down to a science, but from a parent's vantage point, it's a whirlwind!

All of the graduation pomp and circumstance, the receptions, the celebratory meals, the nice clothes, the cap and gown...and nine times out of ten, the kids have to be out of their dorm rooms, graduation day!

Our last graduation went like this: all of the above happening; our son was high five-ing his friends, talking to everyone as we slowly walked across campus and suddenly, he looks at his cell phone, checks the time and "S@#t! I have to be out of my dorm by 5!" It was 3:30 and not a box or bag was packed. (Note, some schools accrue an hourly fine to help get those kids moved out in time.) Everyone switched into high gear. Of course, these kids completely under estimate just how much stuff they have accumulated over the years and just how long it takes to get the stuff moved out and packed up. (In our case, the grandparents' giant Town and Country wood paneled station wagon and a Subaru Legacy sedan. Keep in mind that people had to be transported as well, so there wasn't the ability to just jam stuff in from floor to ceiling.) It was nuts. Of course the outside temperature is soaring, everyone is totally pitted out and we all are wearing our "Sunday best."

Some takeaways from this insanity:

(With any luck, you as the parent are NOT involved in this phase. You've told your college grad that you'll meet them somewhere in a couple of hours and let them deal, but no such luck for us, foolishly, we got sucked in.)

Comfortable shoes to change into.

Ideally, a change of clothes (certainly for Dad and the brothers, sexist, you betchya!) Most likely there's a long drive ahead of you, or dinner at a restaurant or a plane to catch, so this change of clothes is simply because of the physical labor involved in moving all of the stuff out of the dorms.

-What's always surprising is the overlap in stories I hear from other parents about their kids' move out.-

As I stated in my last post, being the last one to leave the dorm/apartment is the worst. And when it's graduation, it's even worse. It's not likely they'll be seeing that roommate any time soon to give them whatever they left behind and sending it can get really expensive.

Now some of this stuff may horrify some of you and for those of you that have been through this, chime in please! You may hear a roommate say, "well, I'm all set, I've got everything, gotta go! If you find anything of mine, either keep it, give it away or throw it out. I don't care." Handshake / hug goodbye. Quick and dirty. Heed this as a warning!

Your kid goes back into the room/apartment and there is a ton of stuff they've left behind. Not only does your son or daughter have to take care of all of their stuff, suddenly there's the addition of their roommates', which of course involves more time and trips to the dumpster. You can NOT believe the stuff these kids throw away, perfectly good stuff....couches, mattresses, tables, chairs, electronics, clothing, lamps....it's frightening!

Now some good news I've heard, is some of these college grads are more organized and have yard sales and sell this stuff. Or they contact the upcoming seniors that will be moving into the space the following fall asking them if they're interested in anything: first attempting to sell it to them, and then if that doesn't work out, they'll just "give it to them." Now that's not always ideal, if you're the upcoming student moving in, so if you have an upcoming senior and they don't want the bed, bureau, whatever, they really need to spell that out to the grad that they want THEM to move the stuff out, they have NO interest in having the stuff be there in the fall when they move in, because suddenly THEY have to deal with it. Huge pain in the neck.

Another interesting idea: You've graduated and you don't yet have a plan. You pack up your car, you store it in a reliable / safe, secure location (ie., a nearby friend's driveway) and you head home with your family. You spend the next several days/week recuperating, making a plan and then you go back, pick up your car and your stuff and with luck, you move it to your new location/job. Why drive and move everything home if you may be moving elsewhere very soon,especially if it's to another state or on a different coast.

Before I left for their graduations, I made room for some of their stuff, but I must confess, I underestimated the amount accumulated and I also didn't realize how long their stuff stays in your home... Maybe someday they'll move into a home of their own where they'll want their stuff?!? Hahaha...why do I think that could be YEARS away???

~Beppie

Roommates after college

Now, let's talk about roommates after college.
Similar questions as when they were in college, but there's a real difference, the kids may be moving to a city where they don't have any bffs or anyone they really know. Your Gen Yer may be making the decision to live in a particular city because of the roommate, they're bffs, and they've agreed on a city together, ya never know? The other important thing to note is that you may not hear much about this at all, until after the fact. After all, they are over 21. But you can inquire because you care or are curious (and you are the mother). But again, ratchet it back parents! This is their life, not yours. Besides, your kids now have had real roommate experiences (and oh btw, much more recently than you have). They know what they're looking for, what they can and can't do as far as what / who they can live with. Trust them.

One of our son's had a great idea and posted his move on Facebook, saying he was moving to Boston and looking for a roommate. Shortly thereafter a mutual friend from college connected him to a buddy of his from high school that was moving to Boston too and voila! It worked out great, that six degrees of separation thing is a good thing! I, as the Mom, really liked the whole idea much better than a random Craigslist listing, because there's comfort in knowing who someone's "people" are. :) Spoken like a mother, I know. Another son has FB messaged friends from high school that attend college in Denver, looking for a sublet situation for the summer. I thought that was a good idea too. If your student is looking for summer housing in a city because of work/internship, suggest they look into University housing. Our daughter did this. FYI: NYU offers summer housing to students even for non NYU students, they just have to prove they're a student somewhere (NYU students have first priority), so it's worth checking to see if other universities offer this. In this housing situation it was much like freshman year, you don't know who they're going to room you with. It's only a summer though, right?

What about a roommate of the opposite sex?
Are they a friend.... or more? Is this "living together?"
I've heard of and know of a lot of different situations, so it really depends. Not that as the Mom you have much say,but hey, you're asking. If it's a "just friends" scenario, then questions that come up are:
Are you going to be able to relax comfortably, ie., wear your jammies on a Sunday morning while reading the NYT? Are you comfortable sharing a bathroom? Now you'll probably get the eye-roll or the equivalent look that we gave our parents, that "you're such a square"-look. And you may be asking these questions only if you have a daughter (sexist, I know), but ask. It's worth throwing out there, so you know your Gen Y kid at least thinks about it.

As for the "living together" scenario.
It's a big commitment. And I think the pivotal word in that sentence is "commitment." They're not a "roommate". It's more than that, it's very different. Some of you may be asking, "why don't they get married?" and others are saying: "living together is a good idea. How else are you going to know if this person is "the one."
It's a personal discussion, one that needs to happen between the couple and if either one of them chooses to speak to their parents about it, then as parents, we listen, we offer advice if asked, we ask questions that they may or may not have thought of, (going right for the jugular) ie., "what happens if it doesn't work out? How do you separate?" And you may get a response like: "We're certainly hoping it DOES work out, but if it doesn't, it's really no different than when you move out from a roommate that is your bff and you lived with them for a few years." And you think and may even say, "not exactly. I'm just hoping you've thought this through and that it all works out." And then you smile and think, this is their life, their decision. All I want for them is to be happy and happy with their choices and decisions... and so far, they sure seem to be.

~Beppie